Loyalty in sports, politics and life in general

When Lebron, Dwight, Harden or even Lin decided to go to another Team the media and fans alike cried foul calling them names. They were called traitors for not looking after the interest of the team and it's owners. Please note that they did this through free agency. Let's pause for a moment and see what is happening right now in NBA.
The Celtics traded their star Kevin Garnett and a fellow star Paul Pierce who had not played for any other team through out his career. The Heat have amnestied Mike Miller. I mean Mike Miller who played through injuries and made key plays in both of it's championship runs. Apparently the management thought hard to keep him but decided to amnesty him in the best interest of the team and save 20+ million. The Lakers did the same with Metta World Peace. Imagine game 7 of the Lakers last championship without Metta World Peace on the hardwood floor. The list goes on and on. The lowly Bucks would not offer a good deal to bring back their second best player on their team in Monta Ellis. It was not as if he was demanding a whole lot.
The media has to say only this - the teams are doing the best to stay competitive in the new CBA environment. It is an easy defense. It is understandable why the media does it. It makes for a good story by demonizing the players who are the faces of the franchises. They can work on that story over and over again for weeks if not months and seasons to come. Pissing off a wealthy team owner who could cut your access to his team is not in the best interest of a puny sports analyst. Some of the team owners could be the media owners or friends of the owners exercising pressure to not cover the team owners negatively.
But the fact that fans cannot see through this is a travesty. The first thing to note is that all the city based franchises are owned by corporations. Loyalty to the city is an easy way to bind the fans to the franchise and increase their revenue. These teams are nothing but corporations trying to make the most money. Also a one with revenue sharing and near zero competition arena. Your team is the only team competing for your loyalty in your city(at least in most cities other than LA and NYC). The revenue sharing has ensured that ownership does not have to be good at their business side of it. No wonder you see bad decisions over and over again by teams in Detroit, Philadelphia, Charlotte (which is owned by basketball's best player Michael Jordan).
The case of Michael Jordan is interesting. Once upon a time he was supposedly the best player on earth. During that time, the CBA(collective bargaining agreement) ended and he debated vocally against giving more revenue share to the teams ownership. He argued that players are what makes the game great and are entitled to more revenue than they were receiving. Few years pass, he retires, un-retires, joins the wizards, retires again after couple disastrous seasons there, buys a team and relocates it to his home town in Charlotte, NC. Now lucky for him, he gets to be part of the owners club when the current CBA ends and negotiation talks reach a stalemate. He for everyone's surprise wanted more share for himself as owner. The players had to give in. He got a pass from the media as an owner for his hypocrisy but not for his comments when he was a player.

But sports is not the only place where abstract notions like loyalty are expected of many with little or no power and a pass is given to people with power. Let us take political parties. Imagine a candidate who has been serving the community for few decades as a Senator. He has been with a party and the party decides to go ultra conservative or ultra liberal which is not to his liking. He decides to join the other party. Would you think he would win? No, he would be called a traitor by his new party and old party affiliates alike. Case in point is Arlen Specter ex-senator of PA who was put to shame for switching parties a few years ago. Needless to say, he lost his re- election. I mean individuals who are caught for corruption, cheating and adultery are much more likely to contest and win an election provided they stick to their parties. Please note that I am not advocating individuals that switch parties for winning election. The topic of conversation here is expectations of loyalty.
This probably plays out in even smaller entities. I was talking to a friend of mine who mentioned of trouble in his apartment complex. The apartment association is in cahoots with the owners and let in some illegal construction. When a few sane folks objected, they were told to abide by the decision of the association's elected body. They were apparently being called traitors and are accused of having causing disharmony with selfish motives.
I have seen this play out over and over again in different aspects of my life - public , private and everything in between. An abused women is asked to be loyal to her husband and adjust for family's sake, society's sake and whatever others reason. How often do we see this happen. Too many times for my personal comfort. In most of these cases, the woman is the one with hardly any power and/or any earning potential. Whereas the man is the one with power, both physical and economical. In most societies the woman who makes a fuss is called a word that rhymes with itch. her own family sometimes disowns her. Again I am not advocating divorce by women nor am I stating that it does not happen with men. The purpose is to drive a common theme where loyalty is used as a way to keep people with less power submissive to ones with more power.
So why is loyalty one way road. Why is it that individuals are expected to be loyal to entities that hold much more power.

Expecting Parents FAQs

Should I Have one?
One of my friends posed this question 'Why have Kids?'. I could not answer it then, I don't have a right answer yet. That question never occurred to me. I just thought of it as a natural part of life. It was always a matter of when if not now. The question of when was answered with our planning of finances and career position. 'Should we?' was never raised. There was pressure from the grandparents and family but that did not alter our time frame. I could be philosophical about life being precious and that bringing one to the earth will be a right thing to do etc. But I am not philosophical. Now that my kid is here, she is a bundle of joy.

What does it cost?
This is a very touchy subject that raises a lot eyebrows and how dare he's. But the fact that kids cost a lot is a fact that one must be aware of before the plunge. From the day you know that your wife is pregnant, to the day the kids are independent and on their own, there are a lot of costs involved. I will summarize the immediate costs here and give a small estimate of what it might cost to raise one kid.

There will be monthly visits with your Obstetrician and in the ninth month there will be weekly visits. There will be 2-3 ultrasound scans of your wife for determining the wellness of your baby while inside. There might be emergency visits to the hospital. We had 3 emergency visits. One in the night and twice while she was at work. Luckily for my wife she works at a hospital and the emergency was a elevator button call away. But a good insurance is important. Find out what is covered and what is not. I have heard of scary stories where the bill came out to 25K etc. 25K might not be a lot for a few, but if you are an immigrant and just starting your life, it might mean a lot of debt for sometime. Some sites put the cost of delivery between $5,000-$8,000 for a normal vaginal delivery, up to $12,000 for a cesarean delivery. Of course this does not include other services like the suite, medication and health care in case of complications.

There will be stuff that you have buy for the infant baby that might cost 2K-3K depending on what and where you buy. I will list what to buy for the immediate few weeks and months later on. Then there is the cost of day care, play school, preschool, school, college education etc etc as they grow up. Here is a good summary of what it cost to have a baby. The calculator by the US Department of agriculture puts the annual cost of an infant at $20,500. The longer term cost to raise to the age of 17 at about 270K that's about $16K/annum. The first few years could be more expensive if you plan to have them in a day care or have a part-time/full-time nanny. Full time nanny can be $1500-$2500 out of your pocket. If you plan to fund their college education as most parents do add another 100K-150K. Basically what you could save towards your retirement would be channeled towards raising your kid.

What to buy before the kid is born?
I have listed the most items in the next section, but what I list here are other care giving matters.
Cord Blood Storage - If your family has a history of cancer or diabetes, you might consider storing Cord blood of your infant. Cord blood is the blood in the cord that could be collected at the time of delivery and stored for later usage. Cures to about 40 diseases have been found with stem blood. We have used Stembanc and it cost us about 2K including the registration and 20 years storage. There are other places like Cord Blood registry and Viacord that were expensive. It is kind of medical insurance. There are places where they do the storage for free but the blood stored there could be used for research purposes and could be used for other persons if the blood matches them. Utilizing private firms like Stembanc would ensure that your kids blood is saved for future in case your kid might need it.

The second thing is to find from the hospital your wife is scheduled for labor/c-section if they need a pediatrician appointed beforehand. Some insurance firms might need that your pediatrician be within your network etc.

Third but not least find from your insurance provider how and within what time frame you need to add your infant to your insurance plan. Typically the first month is covered under the mother's plan and you should add your kid to the plan within that time frame.

What to buy for infants?
It makes sense to start buying the items listed below a few months ahead of time as they list is quite big and procuring them is very time consuming. I bought most of the items from Walmart as I found them to be the cheapest and of same quality (many times same products at a far lower prices than Target or Babies R Us).

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Tooling Around
_____Car seat - Infant Car Seat up to one year. You need a car seat to take your kid home. The nurse will come and inspect the safety of your car seat and I heard that they won't let your take your kid home unless you have a car seat. I was not sure about it but did not want to risk the safety of my kids. I bought Graco travel system.
_____Stroller -
_____Travel System - I bought Graco Travel system(carseat+stroller) for $155 at Walmart.
_____Booster seat for kids 20lbs and up. Not need to buy now. Could be bought later on when the kid is about to complete 12 months.

Beds and linens
_____Crib (if you plan to have a bassinet, you do not need this immediately)
_____Crib mattress. About $50-$70 at Walmart
_____Bassinet/cradle (if you don't want to put your baby in a crib right away. This could be good for only 3-6 months). $80 at Walmart
_____Two to three fitted crib sheets.
_____Four or more waffle-weave cotton receiving blankets for swaddling baby.
_____Two mattress pads.
_____One to two waterproof liners (for crib or bassinet).

Swing/Rocker to make your infant sleep
_____Rocker - Fisher Price
_____Swing - Fisher Price

Diapers
_____Diapers. Disposables: One 40-count package of newborn (birth weight under 8 pounds) or of size 1 (birth weight over 8 pounds). Cloth: Two to three dozen, plus six to 10 snap-on, waterproof outer pants, and two to three sets of diaper pins, eight to 10 all-in-ones or diaper system covers;two to three dozen diaper system inserts. I bought a big box of Huggies containing 264 of them from Sam's club for $40.
_____Diaper pail (with refills or bags as needed).
_____Diaper bag.
Diaper Dispenser - Diaper Genie is one brand and you have buy the pail for storing used diapers.

Bathing/Grooming
_____Plastic infant bathtub. Summer bath tub spa from BabiesRUs for $30.
_____Three soft hooded towels.
_____Two packs of baby washcloths.
_____Baby body wash that doubles as shampoo.
_____Pair of blunt-tip scissors or baby-sized nail clippers.
_____Zinc-oxide-based diaper rash ointment.
_____Soft brush and comb.
_____Mild laundry detergent.

Extras: Nice but optional
_____Baby monitor.
_____Changing table - New one in target for $80.
_____Changing Pad - Babies R Us carries this for $30.
_____A rocker or glider.
_____Sling or strap-on soft carrier. Walmart
_____Boppy, a Croissant-shaped pillow designed to make holding baby during breastfeeding or bottlefeeding easier. Bought it from Walmart $20. Very useful.
_____Nursing cover up. Attaches at your neck and allows for private breastfeeding when you and your baby are in public.
_____Infant swing - Fishcer Price Rain Forest in Amazon($112). Retail $140 in Babies R Us. If you are not buying Bassinet this is needed.
_____Bouncy seat/Bouncer.
_____Night-light. Any table lamb which is not brightly lit bulb would do. You don't want the kid in the dark, and you also want to sleep.

Some of these items could be bought at craigslist like the car seat and cribs. There is nothing wrong with that and do not feel guilty about doing that(like I did). Most parents are as careful as you and take good care of them.

Future Planning
529b plan for education.

I will add to this list as I learn my way along.

Introducing the New Alla

June 2, 2009 12:41:12 PM. That is the time when our precious little one was born. I want to share some of my experiences and old wives tales of the wise people in determining the sex and others. I will also try to answer some of the most commonly asked question from friends and folks at work.

We were hoping to have a baby a little later in the year when my wife would be in her last year of residency. The schedule for third year residents tends to be easy. But our baby decided to come a few months early.

To confirm the pregnancy, we tested thrice with pregnancy kits from the Pharmacy stores. The first two were inconclusive. We thought that the cycle was just delayed. A couple weeks later we tried one more time and the kit this time confirmed it. My wife panicked as she was not prepared for all that is going to happen. Most of all she was worried that she had to upset the schedule at work and thereby causing inconvenience to her colleagues. With due persuasion from me, and our first visit with our family physician(who also happens to be her Program Director) her worries subsided and we scheduled our first appointment with our OBGYN doctor. We were confirmed of our expectancy and we were elated.

The First trimester and the first month of the Second Trimester were testing times, especially for my wife. She had severe morning sickness and those mornings lasted 16 hours for her. There were couple days where she was admitted to the emergency due to dehydration from the morning sickness. She was persistent, strong and continued her work. She also managed to reschedule all her overnight calls to the second trimester. That turned out to be very helpful. Having my Mother-in-Law with us is also a positive thing. She was there when my wife needed her support during the tough period. As for me, the only thing I went through was the usual stuff - am I ready for this, can I handle it, were we jumping ahead of ourselves, are we financially stable enough to make this plunge. I did not let my wife know these thoughts then. But all those concerns do not worry me anymore.

The second trimester was relatively easier one for us all. We knew it was a girl on our second scan. We were excited as I always wanted my first baby to be a girl. The good times lasted only a few weeks. She started having severe back pains and other discomforts. We had to get back our Mother-In-Law so we could manage at home. The third trimester was the middle ground, it was better than the first but worse than the second. The baby got heavier and my wife could barely walk. Her work kept her on her feet most of the time which was unlike my job which keeps me on my bottom most of the time. We felt we should have switched jobs just for the few months.

Here are some of old wives tales, we came across, that tried to predict the sex and when the baby was going to be delivered. If the morning sickness last long it's a Girl. Turned out to be true. If you see the back and can tell if the lady is pregnant then it's going to be a girl, otherwise a boy. This prediction turned out false in our case. The story behind this is that the Girls will have a round belly, while boys will have a big front belly. My wife had a front belly and not so round one. Then there is this one. Boys will be less active all along the pregnancy period, not troubling the mom and become very active the last few weeks. They also come out early(< 39 weeks). The girls on the hand provide all sorts of discomfort to the mother and are highly active in their movements during the pregnancy period. But girls feel cozy and not so active during the last few weeks. They also take longer to come out(39+ weeks). Also get this, apparently if the kid is born in the day, they sleep mostly in the day and not so much during the night and vice versa. This means trouble to us as our kid was born almost mid day(12:41:12 PM).

We named our kid Poorvaja Maala. Poorvaja according to Hindu Epic books means 'One who preceded everyone' or 'One who was born before everyone' from whom everyone else came. Maala is the middle name of my kid named after our grandma Maha Lakshmi. Took Ma and La from her name and joined them - Maala means garland.

The week before the delivery, I started reading the book 'Hot, Flat and Crowded' by Thomas L. Friedman. I dropped it after a few chapters into the book, as I could not take the patronizing attitude of the author. I am a beneficiary of the flat world and I was welcoming a new life to this hot world. When my kid is sleeping on my shoulder, when her cheek caresses the cove of my neck, the world doesn't seem crowded at all. Malthusian economics - forget about it.

Photos Here
Video - Work in Progress
FAQs Here

But the amazing part of all this experience is that the transition from a carefree person to a slow going, caring, over sensitive guy happens the moment the kid is placed in your hands. All credit goes to our Sweety(Granmom's nick name)