Wimpy Squeak of a Dragon Dad

Its been sometime since I last blogged. I have not been living under a rock and have been following what has been happening around me. For all those not living under the rock, this story by Amy Chua, a professor at Yale  Law School, on Wall Street Journal must be familiar. This story titled 'Why Chinese Mothers are Superior' has caught the web and traditional media abuzz. The article, somewhere at the beginning of it, has a disclaimer sort of .

I'm using the term "Chinese mother" loosely. I know some Korean, Indian, Jamaican, Irish and Ghanaian parents who qualify too. Conversely, I know some mothers of Chinese heritage, almost always born in the West, who are not Chinese mothers, by choice or otherwise. I'm also using the term "Western parents" loosely. Western parents come in all varieties.

The gist of the article is below

First, I've noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children's self-esteem....Chinese parents aren't. They assume strength, not fragility, and as a result they behave very differently.
Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. ....By contrast, I don't think most Westerners have the same view of children being permanently indebted to their parents.
Third, Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and preferences
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Western parents try to respect their children's individuality,..... By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future.....

Despite the tongue in cheek style disclaimer by the author, this article provoked a lot of resentment and vitriol from Asian(taking offense citing thier own psychological damage from asian parents) and Western(defensive and vitriolic citing how Asians cant seem to produce anything of intellectual capacity) readers, parents and non-parents alike. The title of the book 'Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mom' is enough to explain the angst experienced by these readers responding to Amy's article. The author even recieved death threats and has considerably toned down her rhetoric in her appearances in talk shows on TV and Radio. Amy Chua in her article focused on the stereotypes of Asian and Westerm Parents and enhanced it with vivid description of how she parented her kids through rigorous practice, practice and practice.

While the world has become dis-harmonized by this story, life was going on fine for me. One weekend, my wife needed a haircut and I decided to give her a ride. We couldn't leave the kid alone at home, though an Indian kid she is could very well manage things by herself. She can start and stop the rhymes on my computer, and read all the numbers from one to two on the knobs of our gas stove. About the stove, a reminder for myself - Need to buy a Safety Gate. We had to take the kid along with us on a ride to the nearest mall. I dropped off my wife at the hair salon and got myself a table by the window with a coffee(Latte) at the Panera Bread next door.

I fastened my kid safely inside a high chair and took a sip of my coffee. I, wrongly assuming that my kid would amuse herself, took out a book and began to read. There were two old ladies, probably in their sixties, sitting ahead of me on the next table by the window. Between us by the wall there was another table with two chairs leaving a narrow walk way for other customers. The couple were talking about a new arrival in their family; a girl I think. Could be a grandkid of one of them or both. Not sure what the relation was between the two ladies. A few minutes later a tall stout Caucasian guy with a scruffy goatee came with his toddler(girl) and got seated by the table next to the wall.

There is something about young parents that quickly acknowledges one another. They can gauge the happenings at home and can appreciate the little moments, good, bad and not so ugly ones, that come with the newborns and toddlers. We said hello to each other and exchanged pleasantries like the age of our kids. His daughter was 14 months and mine about 4 months older. We shared complements about our daughters and let each other have the company of our own daughters. The old ladies were enamored by his daughter and quickly started a long chat with him. I continued on with reading the book.

A sentence or two into the book, my daughter began to show her expressive, demanding side. She sought my attention by grabbing the book. I tried 'Shhh..'ing  her down. It was futile. I had to close the book and give her full attention. Her attention though was onto something else; she wanted a sip of the coffee I was drinking. Privately I would have indulged my daughter's request, but in public I did not dare to give caffiene induced drinks to a toddler. So I tried to distract her with something else.

I tried to interest her into playing with a rattle - She was too old for them and instantly threw it back at me. The sound of the rattle caught the attention of the old ladies and they gave a glance at me. You know the glance that old ladies give. This made me self conscious and things got downhill from here. I tried my other weapon - A picture book. 'Not interested' my daughter said.

While I was frantically looking for other options, I was hoping that the goatee gentleman's daughter would do something that would take the attention of the judging old ladies away from me. It was not to be. The kid was very well behaved and was skillfully munching of the bread crumbs her dad was feeding her from the toasted bagel he got for himself.

My failed attempts only increased the energy of my kid to grab the Latte. I tried 'Shh...'ing her again. My thought process is if a 'Shh' does not work once, try it five, ten more times. She was not afraid. I tried to induce her into eating an organic vegetable crunchy snack while holding it high so the old ladies coud see them. I wanted to show I was a responsible parent and feed my kid only the best stuff unlike the scruffy guy who feeds her highly processed bagels. The ladies turned away. This new treat, however, did not have enough honey for my Bee.

I tried the sippy cup and she pushed it aside. I tried the pacifier and she instantly spit it out. She never had the habit of the pacifier and was not going to get into it now. I was almost begging her to stay silent and obey me.

After all my attempts at pacifying my kid were exhausted, I resorted to something my wife would never accept or do. But she wasn't around and I was desperate. I wiped the flat wooden straw clean. Removed the lid on my coffee cup. Swooped a portion of the white milk foam with the straw and wait for it ... gasp ...put it in the mouth of my precious little one. Finally I was successfully in pacifying my daughter. Yeah... take that from Indian Dad you old ladies. What? In some cultures this is construed as caving in - well to that I say Tomaatoes Tomatoes.

Within a few minutes my wife came in and I was glad to share the ordeal with her. On finishing my latte and few minutes of chat, we drove home.

In few years I could write a memoir of my experiences as a Dad. It would break all stereotypes of Asian Parents and immediately restore the world peace that was disturbed by Amy Chua. The title of my book would be - 'Wimpy Squeak of a Dragon Dad'.