Why are Immigrants apologetic to questions about their Native Country?

Last week as part of our colleague birthday celebration I was at a restaurant with about ten colleagues. The group consisted of people from three continents - North America (USA-5), Europe (Britain-2), Asia (India-2, China-1). As always when such a big and diverse group meets, there are bound to have multiple discussions and questions about the other persons country and culture. One discussion was happening around the food from each continent and one guy from UK was asking (rather stating) how Indian food is typically eaten with hands without use of spoon or other cutlery. An Indian colleague in the discussion instantly responded with a cliched response that 'Things were changing and they are not the same'. This she said without hearing this from our English colleague - 'It's rather very cool, I think'; the IT here is eating with hands. I was at the far end of the table and was just a mere listener to it as I was involved in another discussion - that of the Chinese international students (She was an Intern on our team) struggle to find a job in USA.

I am an immigrant from India and am faced with such questions all the time. I will not list the most commonly asked questions about India and Indian Culture. The questions could be patronizing and derogatory at times, but most times they are just questions by people trying to know the immigrants culture and to just carry a conversation. But the point of my rant here are not the questions. It is about the response to these questions by immigrants about their Country. These responses tend to be defensive and almost always apologetic in tone. When I say apologetic, I don't mean literally they say 'I am sorry' but that would be hilarious. It is rather in a sense that they are begging to say sorry about the behavior of their fellow native country citizens.

Why do Immigrants respond that way? What makes them defensive? I think the answer is very difficult as every individual has his own reasons, and every individual behaves differently in different situations. I try not to be judgmental, but I think the reasons are

1. Immigrants want to portray their best side.
It is as if the immigrant is on first date with someone who is far better than him and is lucky to sit on the same table. This comes from the deep psychological gratitude that these immigrants have for the immigrant officer who let them in. They constantly remind themselves the struggles they and their immigrant wannabes go through to reach this promised land. The gratitude is extended to the people of the land and this goes for years. So as if in a date with a very unreachable hotter opposite sex, the urge to be nice and show the best side is never lost.

2. The need to disassociate with any negative aspects of the native land.
The feeling that immigrants are in some ways better than the ones they left behind is the cause of this thinking. There is widespread notion that immigrants somehow are the cream of the native nation. Though there is some reality to it, I would not consider every Indian immigrant the cream of India. Most are far from being the cream. But somehow this notion exists and could lead to the belief of the immigrant that he is not the same like the ones in his country. So any negatives that happen in the native land are solely that of the people living in that country and not his. But the immigrant is also to fight the reality that the people asking the question does not differentiate him from his country. To them the immigrant and the nation are the same. This paradox is fought by the immigrant by explaining that the situations are changing and though those negative things happen he is not responsible and he would like to apologize for the shortcomings of his native citizenry.

3. Colonial guilt to show to west that they are developing.
The colonized people have this urge to prove to the west that they can develop on their own. They always try to show the positive sides of themselves like how old their culture is, the superior family values etc. There was a huge uproar in India when Slumdog Millionaire was released in India as it showed India in a bad light to the western world. A friend of my mine wrote a good post on the possible explanations for this outrage. The fact that there are a lot more realistic movies made by Indian film makers are quickly forgotten. They are fine with that as long as the target audience is Indian. The artistic talents of the movie maker are also applauded, but are quickly hurt when something similar is made by an outsider showing the darker side. Similarly they are hurt when an outsider especially when a westerner asks a question of something that is perceived as negative.

So what is the correct response?
There is never a right response. But here are certain clues that can help. Most people don't care what you answer. Just have fun with it. Make up some hilarious stories, like 'You have a pet elephant that would drop you to school daily'. Bring your creativity out and have some fun while you are at it. You can always say you were kidding at the end. I am just kidding. If you do not know the real facts, just say you do not know. You do not have to be nice all the time. It is fine to accept the realities, it is not a reflection on you. You are not forgoing your patriotic feelings for your home country by accepting the short comings.