Dont Ask Wont Tell

Here are some of the questions that I am frequently asked that I am amused by, peeved at and most often than not, I do not have answers to. These are typical questions asked mostly by people who do not know me well but do ask me. I categorize them into 2 categories.
First Category: By Indians (@Work, general acquaintance outside, in India during vacation etc)
1. How long are you in US?
They ask this to assess where I stand monetarily and immigration status.
2. Do you have a GC? If not what stage is it in?
If I say Yes I would be lying as I don’t have one. If I say NO, the person asking is already comparing me with people (s)he know. My long lost cousin XYZ got his GC in 3 years and he was not even half as smart as me. This guy must be worse than him or he must have done something to tick off the INS.
3. It has been 8 years and you still don't have a GC? (Put a shocked expression in the asking persons face here).
Yes I do not have a GC even after 8+ years in US.
4. If you don't mind may I know you Salary/Pay?
Yes, you can know. I am getting paid well enough to survive.
5. Is it true that Indians are treated like second grade citizens?
You don't need to answer this. Even before you can answer this, the person asking has an answer and that it Yes, they are treated second grade.
6. Is it true that Indians are nothing but cheap labor in US?
Don't even bother to answer again. Answering yes will only make you a cheap labor in a distant US who left his home country and become a US supporting traitor. Answering no will only strengthen the asking person’s convention that I am lying and Indians are indeed cheap labor in US. You lose anyway and you cannot change the opinion.
7. Did you think about starting a company? A person that I know who knows somebody owns a company. Why don't you?
The above question irritates me to the core. I am not interested in owning a company. I am happy working for somebody else where I have to go at 8 and come home by 6:00PM, relax, watch a game and sleep. Is that a wrong thing? Should I own a company to be considered successful?
8. Why did you not do your MBA? Do you have plans to do your MBA?
This is one more question that every Indian has asked me. Well I do not want to do MBA. In fact I don't even know if I want to go into Management for now. If I answer this, I would be considered not a Management material. If I say Yes, I want to but was not able as I had no time then I am considered not an MBA material. Either way the Q person has made an assumption on me that I not an M Material.

Now onto the other side of the Globe. Questions asked by Americans. There are again questions asked by people who do not know me well or have not attempted to know anything about India or just do not care but do ask because I happened to be there.
1. Do they celebrate Christmas in India? Do Indians celebrate Christmas?
No they do not is my answer unless the person is a Christian. Christmas is not a National event. It is a religious festival celebrated by Christians. Just because 90% of Americans are Christians and most celebrate it; it does make it a National event. I am a Hindu and hence do not celebrate Christmas. It's like asking an American in India 'Do they celebrate Diwali in America?' Do they? I hate holiday season when this question is bombarded repeatedly.
2. Are there still Elephants in Indian Streets?
Yes believe it or not this question was asked and no he was not joking. My answer was 'Yes, they still do. In fact we used to own one that we used to drop me at school and pick me up back'. Yes I did answer that way. A stupid answer to a stupid question.
3. Are there still snakes and snake charmers in India?
Yes, there are. But India is developed now. So all of us carry anti-venom in our pockets just in case we got bit by a stray cobra.
4. What is your stand on the American war on Iraq?
If I say I do not support, I am considered an anti American leech sucking the American economy.
If I say I do support, I am considered a bigot who is trying to suck up to an American.
5. Who do you support Republican or Democrat?
If I answer Democrat, I am branded an Anti Capitalistic Socialist.
If I answer Republican, I am branded a Conservative hypocrite who forgot secularism.
6. Who would you see as a Democratic candidate Obama or Clinton?
If I say Obama, I am an elitist male chauvinist.
If I say Clinton, I am a conservative racist.
7. Do you want to stay back in this country or go back?
At first I thought, the person asking the question wanted to hear that I should go back. I was more than happy to answer Yes as that was my intention. But to my surprise I was shocked to hear the response from the first person that asked me this question and every other person that asked me the same question. Whenever I said Yes, they were shocked and said 'Why? You don't like this country? Isn't US more developed than India. Aren't the living conditions way better off that in India?'. I was not prepared to answer such barrage of questions and now I got used to their shocked expressions and questions.
When I say yes I want to stay back, I know what they are thinking as well. They make me the cause of Americans losing jobs as I am stole one of their jobs permanently. This I can tell from their demeanor.
8. You do have a HDTV and/or XBOX.
If I say Yes to either of them, I am a show off.
If I say No I am a pauper who should be shun.


This is general, if I am asked by a stranger at an Indian Grocery Store or Wal-Mart as to what I do, I know what to do? I run away from him/her. That's a Quixtar/Amway candidate calling you and you are better off at least 10 miles from them.