Dont Ask Wont Tell

Here are some of the questions that I am frequently asked that I am amused by, peeved at and most often than not, I do not have answers to. These are typical questions asked mostly by people who do not know me well but do ask me. I categorize them into 2 categories.
First Category: By Indians (@Work, general acquaintance outside, in India during vacation etc)
1. How long are you in US?
They ask this to assess where I stand monetarily and immigration status.
2. Do you have a GC? If not what stage is it in?
If I say Yes I would be lying as I don’t have one. If I say NO, the person asking is already comparing me with people (s)he know. My long lost cousin XYZ got his GC in 3 years and he was not even half as smart as me. This guy must be worse than him or he must have done something to tick off the INS.
3. It has been 8 years and you still don't have a GC? (Put a shocked expression in the asking persons face here).
Yes I do not have a GC even after 8+ years in US.
4. If you don't mind may I know you Salary/Pay?
Yes, you can know. I am getting paid well enough to survive.
5. Is it true that Indians are treated like second grade citizens?
You don't need to answer this. Even before you can answer this, the person asking has an answer and that it Yes, they are treated second grade.
6. Is it true that Indians are nothing but cheap labor in US?
Don't even bother to answer again. Answering yes will only make you a cheap labor in a distant US who left his home country and become a US supporting traitor. Answering no will only strengthen the asking person’s convention that I am lying and Indians are indeed cheap labor in US. You lose anyway and you cannot change the opinion.
7. Did you think about starting a company? A person that I know who knows somebody owns a company. Why don't you?
The above question irritates me to the core. I am not interested in owning a company. I am happy working for somebody else where I have to go at 8 and come home by 6:00PM, relax, watch a game and sleep. Is that a wrong thing? Should I own a company to be considered successful?
8. Why did you not do your MBA? Do you have plans to do your MBA?
This is one more question that every Indian has asked me. Well I do not want to do MBA. In fact I don't even know if I want to go into Management for now. If I answer this, I would be considered not a Management material. If I say Yes, I want to but was not able as I had no time then I am considered not an MBA material. Either way the Q person has made an assumption on me that I not an M Material.

Now onto the other side of the Globe. Questions asked by Americans. There are again questions asked by people who do not know me well or have not attempted to know anything about India or just do not care but do ask because I happened to be there.
1. Do they celebrate Christmas in India? Do Indians celebrate Christmas?
No they do not is my answer unless the person is a Christian. Christmas is not a National event. It is a religious festival celebrated by Christians. Just because 90% of Americans are Christians and most celebrate it; it does make it a National event. I am a Hindu and hence do not celebrate Christmas. It's like asking an American in India 'Do they celebrate Diwali in America?' Do they? I hate holiday season when this question is bombarded repeatedly.
2. Are there still Elephants in Indian Streets?
Yes believe it or not this question was asked and no he was not joking. My answer was 'Yes, they still do. In fact we used to own one that we used to drop me at school and pick me up back'. Yes I did answer that way. A stupid answer to a stupid question.
3. Are there still snakes and snake charmers in India?
Yes, there are. But India is developed now. So all of us carry anti-venom in our pockets just in case we got bit by a stray cobra.
4. What is your stand on the American war on Iraq?
If I say I do not support, I am considered an anti American leech sucking the American economy.
If I say I do support, I am considered a bigot who is trying to suck up to an American.
5. Who do you support Republican or Democrat?
If I answer Democrat, I am branded an Anti Capitalistic Socialist.
If I answer Republican, I am branded a Conservative hypocrite who forgot secularism.
6. Who would you see as a Democratic candidate Obama or Clinton?
If I say Obama, I am an elitist male chauvinist.
If I say Clinton, I am a conservative racist.
7. Do you want to stay back in this country or go back?
At first I thought, the person asking the question wanted to hear that I should go back. I was more than happy to answer Yes as that was my intention. But to my surprise I was shocked to hear the response from the first person that asked me this question and every other person that asked me the same question. Whenever I said Yes, they were shocked and said 'Why? You don't like this country? Isn't US more developed than India. Aren't the living conditions way better off that in India?'. I was not prepared to answer such barrage of questions and now I got used to their shocked expressions and questions.
When I say yes I want to stay back, I know what they are thinking as well. They make me the cause of Americans losing jobs as I am stole one of their jobs permanently. This I can tell from their demeanor.
8. You do have a HDTV and/or XBOX.
If I say Yes to either of them, I am a show off.
If I say No I am a pauper who should be shun.


This is general, if I am asked by a stranger at an Indian Grocery Store or Wal-Mart as to what I do, I know what to do? I run away from him/her. That's a Quixtar/Amway candidate calling you and you are better off at least 10 miles from them.

57 Beechurst No More

I try to visit Morgantown whenever I can or at least once a year. Last year I was in Morgantown for a Football Game when my parents were visiting us and before that casually to meet friends. The latter time I took a couple of our (actually my wife's undergraduate friend and her cousin) friends, my brother and my wife to Morgantown. We had fun time and my friends liked it Morgantown a lot. Why would anybody not like the second heaven on Earth? The first of course being Vizag.

Our friend liked it so much that when her parents were around this time, she wanted to show Morgantown to them and asked us if we could accompany them so I can show them the best places in and around Morgantown. I was absolutely happy to do so and quickly convinced my wife to go along with me as it was her friend that we were meeting.

I took them to the regular places - Cooper's rock (The Park was actually closed for the season and won’t open until a month or so), Valley Falls, Campus etc. I tried to have lunch at my favorite place in Morgantown Black Bear which is a fusion Mexican restaurant. But no one was willing to experiment and preferred to try my other suggestion Asia Garden which was also closed for the time by the time we went there. So we settled for QDoba as all the other good places were not of liking to my other fellas.

So while having my lunch, it began to sink in the reality of what I saw on my little detour on the way to Black Bear. I had four addresses during my period in Morgantown and none holds better memories than my last home at 57 Beechurst Ave. I had 5 wonderful roommates who were in very similar situation as I was and came to Morgantown about the same time I did. So the chemistry was great and we had a blast.

I wanted to park behind the house and take a minute or two recollecting the good old days. So I drove in to the parking lot next to the church that was to North of the building. I drove behind the church and was expecting to see my old home behind it. To my shock there was nothing but asphalt laden parking lots with perfect lines for the car. It would appear as if the house never existed if you have not been there.

I felt a void in my memories. The old cricket games we had in my memory appeared to no long have the house in the backyard. I was cooking in the open parking lot now every Wednesday. We were all watching a horror movie 50 ft in the air every Friday night.

I felt a huge emptiness .. 57 Beechurst is now more. I felt bad that I should have taken a picture of it before I left. All that I have left is memories of good old days.

Helping Hand on the Road

These are some pessimistic days. You are afraid to talk to strangers or to provide help to a strange. There are always news about shootings by strangers barging into a store or a school. The parents are always telling their kids never talk to or trust a stranger. But there are few people out there that are willing to provide a helping hand in times of need.

Why I am so preachy about helping hands today? Well today I was on the receiving end of help from a stranger in the city of Brotherly Love. My current work situation takes me to Philadelphia once a week for working at my clients site. To avoid the heavy commuter traffic, I start around noon on my way back to Scranton.

So today, I was going to my car from work. I was near my car and I see a car near the parking region by the roadside. As I was crossing the car, the lady in the car brings down her window and asks me if it was safe to park there to go to the Art Museum. There was a Frida Kahlo art gallery display going on at the Museum. I assumed that she was asking if it was OK to park there without getting a parking ticket. Having lived close by for 2 years, I knew the place well. I answered it was OK to park there and that the Museum was less than 10 mins walk from there on such a sunny hot beautiful day. So she parks the car and move along to my cars that was only few feet and 3 car spaces away.

On reaching my car, I tried unlocking with my keyless and there was this most dreaded silence from my care. There was no sound of the unlocking and I knew I had repeated my mistake. I done this 3 times before and this was 4th but first on my Toyota. Now I am thinking, I could call my Insurance and wait for about 2 hours. I could call my colleagues and get laughed at for the next 2 weeks. Neither did look very encouraging as I was in a mood to get home ASAP after a tough week at work.

So, I decided to take my chances on talking to the lady as I had a Jump Start cables with my Emergency Kit in my car. I approached her car from behind which was a mistake. People always are always apprehensive when they see strangers approaching from behind. On seeing me she lowered her windows and then I said 'Are you on a rush to go somewhere'. Having said that I thought I could have used a better opening line. She had this confused frown in her face and replied 'No, why'. She probably was thinking I was hitting on her. I explained to her the story, said that I needed a Jump Start, that I have the cables and that it would not take long. Little did I know that the cables were faulty and it would longer than anticipated.

Luckily there was a half car space available in front of my car and she came over on that side. I set up the cables and asked to start. I tried my car but it would not start. I came out and readjusted my car and tried again. It did not help. I came out and said it is not working. She was very patient and said give it a few minutes. I struck a conversation and found that her name was Andrea from New Jersey and she was waiting for her friend to join her. While I was waiting to start my car again, there comes a man who could be in his 50s. He apparently lives in the house directly behind my car on the street and said that he noticed my lights were on the previous night. I figured that by now.

He then said, the wires might be little loose and he fiddled with the plugs and asked me try again. No use. He said that there seems to be not enough current to provide the spark. He says the it might need thicker cables and he went to fetch his own personal cables from his car that was parked a block away. I was surprised by his helpful nature. Philadelphia never seemed better than it was today.

He brings back the cable and set them up himself. I tried them and Voila, the car starts. He tells me not to stop the car for sometime or go to a Gas Station to have my battery recharged. He asked when I was coming back. Next week, I say. On hearing it he handed over the Jump Start cable and said I can drop it off at his door steps when I come back next week. I think, he felt I might need them again. I thanked Him and said I sure will. I think he mentioned his name to be David.

I think the spring is finally here. The cold days of sinisterness are over. I feel good. I have hope in mankind. Before I sound like Barack Obama I will end the story here. I think it was Karma or something. Why do I say Karma...it is a story for another day of my life in good old Morgantown.